Of Aslan, Seishirou and Giant Talking Rats
by Rethira
Summary: Somehow, Subaru and Seishirou end up in Narnia. There is no way this can't go wrong. Sei/Sub.


I regret nothing.

Warnings: crack, Seishirou.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters in X/1999 or Narnia and I make no money from this fanfiction.

* * *

Subaru realises, somewhat late in the day – which should worry him, but doesn't – that they are in fact, stuck in a world with talking animals. Oh, wait, talking _giant_ animals in some cases. All the rodents suddenly come up to Subaru's waist. And much as Subaru loves animals, there is something inherently unlovable about a giant talking rat. Well, it's a nice enough rat, for all that it keeps on offering him nuts and berries that he's never heard of before. Subaru could learn to love it. He sort of vaguely hopes that he doesn't have to stay here long enough for that.

It's by the time the talking rat – Subaru didn't catch its name and he's too polite to ask again – has offered him some sort of berry for the fifteenth time that Subaru realises that _they_ have become _him_. That is, Seishirou has disappeared.

This development is very worrying. Something tells Subaru that the presence of talking animals and what looked like some variety of horse-man (possibly a centaur, but Subaru's grasp of Western mythology is shaky at best) won't stop Seishirou from being Seishirou. Hopefully he hasn't gone looking for victims. Subaru really doesn't want to find out how the talking animals will react to Seishirou slaughtering them. Somehow, he doesn't think it will be pretty, not with the very small sword the giant talking rat has mounted on his wall. Subaru really, really hopes that the other giant rodents don't have similar weapons. Because while they might take Seishirou by surprise to begin with, once he'd understood the situation it would be a massacre. And Subaru has enough massacres on his hands when he's back home, so he doesn't need to deal with one here too.

"You're a very strange Son of Adam," the rat says eventually. "Awfully pale and you've such queer eyes. Not like that fellow who was here before of course, but I ain't never seen a Son of Adam with eyes the like of yours before."

"Thank you," Subaru replies, because it was a sort of compliment. "I should probably go and find him actually. You don't know where he might have gone do you?"

"No luck there, lad. Not for me and mine to know the ways of you Sons of Adam. You mark my words, he's probably gone off to find Aslan already," the rat says tartly, tapping his nose. Subaru nods and manages to escape from the burrow. Luckily, Seishirou has left some footprints behind, so Subaru follows those for a while. Several other giant rodents come and stare at him and he even sees a deer, larger than any that live in Japan, peering at him through the foliage. This is a very strange place, Subaru decides, and much as he loves animals, he really wants to go home.

"Ah, there you are Subaru-kun," Seishirou suddenly says. Subaru nearly jumps out of his skin before whirling around to find Seishirou standing smugly behind him. "I must say, this place is quite fascinating. Would you believe that I met this wonderful talking lion only a few minutes ago? He's completely disappeared now, but I wouldn't be surprised in the least if he paid you a visit too."

"A talking lion?" Subaru manages, wondering why that seems so much stranger than giant talking rats.

"Hmm, yes, he was just the sort of person that you would like. Not at all like me, Subaru-kun." Seishirou smirks.

"I like you, Seishirou-san," Subaru says, every word near torture. Seishirou stubbornly refuses to accept that Subaru _does_ like him, unwise as that may be.

"I expect you'll like the lion better. Now, let's see if we can find somewhere private," Seishirou replies, wearing his vet's smile, before stalking away. Subaru trails after him, still lost and confused.

"Why?" he asks eventually. Seishirou doesn't need to ask what Subaru means, which goes to show something, but Subaru doesn't want to examine that too closely.

"If you like me Subaru, I expect you to do something about it. You are twenty-five after all." He laughs, quite unfairly Subaru thinks. Subaru blushes too and then somehow Seishirou has him shoved against a tree and is really awfully close. This, Subaru suspects, could become very embarrassing very quickly.

"Seishirou-san?" Subaru squeaks, because it seems like the thing to do in this sort of situation. Seishirou smirks some more.

"Yes Subaru-kun?" he asks, moving even closer.

"I say, are you alright there?" another, deeper, more horrendously cheerful voice asks. Seishirou moves away from Subaru like he's been electrocuted. Subaru's eyes focus on the voice's owner – he turns out to be a fox. Not a kitsune, although they do exist, but just a rather ordinary fox, for all he can talk.

"Um," Subaru says. He's not feeling up to intelligent conversation quite yet. Not after having tea with a giant talking rat and having Seishirou... well, do whatever it was Seishirou had done.

"Hello there, you're both Sons of Adam! Well I never. We haven't seen your lot around here for an age. It can only mean that Aslan's afoot once more. Why, the whole forest will be in a tizzy before they day is out," the fox says, sitting down next to Subaru who strokes its red fur dazedly. Seishirou glares at it and puts his sunglasses back on.

"You wouldn't happen to know how we can go home would you?" Subaru asks plaintively. The fox laughs merrily.

"What would you want to go home for? You're in Narnia, lad. There's nothing to fear in Narnia, not anymore. We had the last battle a little while ago and all that, but this forest's pretty out of the way, so we didn't see much action there," the fox says, "and Queen Lucy passed through here not two weeks ago. And well, she was a Daughter of Eve only a short while ago, but she's Narnian now. You know what they say; you're only a Son of Adam for as long as you want to leave Narnia."

"I'm terribly sorry," Seishirou begins, sounding not sorry in the slightest, "but Subaru-kun and I really must be off. We wouldn't want to keep Aslan waiting."

"Not at all, good chap. I'm sure we'll meet again, eh? And you, my quiet friend, give very good back scratches, so thank you kindly for that," the fox says, happily before trotting off. Seishirou pins Subaru to the tree again.

"Don't think you'll get away that easily again, Subaru-kun," Seishirou says. Subaru has absolutely no idea what anyone is talking about anymore. He sort of wants to go back to the giant talking rat, because that he could deal with. Better than he can deal with Seishirou pinning him to trees and kissing his neck anyway, even if the neck kissing is very, very nice.

"Seishirou-san?" is all Subaru can say, confused and slightly worried. This worry only increases when he realises that there's a large, yellow eyed lion staring at them. "Seishirou-san? There's a lion," Subaru mumbles. He feels Seishirou sigh against his neck and then Seishirou lets him go.

"What?" he asks, tetchily, "I am quite busy you know."

"Not as busy as you think you are, Son of Adam," the Lion says. "Now, do you wish to go home?" the Lion asks, peering at Subaru. Its eyes are quite gentle. So gentle in fact, that Subaru kind of wants to hug the Lion.

"Um. Yes please?" Subaru asks. The Lion sighs and walks closer to Subaru and nudges him with his nose.

"Your home is there," he says, looking up at the sky. Subaru knew there was a reason he wasn't looking up. There's something unnerving about looking up and seeing Japan suspended there and surrounded by ocean.

"I don't think I can jump that high," Subaru whispers. He realises, somewhat belatedly, that he has attached himself to Seishirou. Seishirou looks very smug about it too.

"There is no need. I can send you there if you wish. I had thought to grant you respite from your long battle, but if you truly wish to return home then I shall send you there," the Lion says. He looks very sad and Subaru has to resist the urge to hug him.

"Nonsense, Subaru-kun. While we have this wonderful opportunity, we shall be staying here. We simply need to find private accommodation, _where no-one will look for us_," says Seishirou, sounding rather too happy. The Lion bows his head and then they are travelling rather faster and in a more terrifying way than Subaru has ever wanted to travel. When they stop, they are on a deserted island. There are the ruins of a great castle surrounding them.

"This is Cair Paravel, home to the Four Kings and Queens of Narnia. You shall be quite safe here," the Lion says. He disappears then, something for which Subaru knows he shouldn't be thankful but really is. Seishirou, apparently having got the hang of this whole pinning thing, pins Subaru to a nearby wall.

Subaru opens his mouth to speak, but finds it occupied by a tongue that isn't his and then there is rather a lot of kissing. The kissing is interrupted when someone makes a loud noise behind them. Seishirou sighs against Subaru's lips.

"I am beginning to despair of us finding anywhere private at all, Subaru-kun," he says theatrically. A kitsune – an actual kitsune this time, not simply a fox, falls out of a nearby tree. He peers at them briefly and then makes a showy bow, as much as a kitsune can anyway.

"I think I shall be off then, got to tell Aslan that you're bringing all of us with you and all that," he says. Seishirou glares at him until he disappears.

"No more interruptions, Subaru-kun," he begins. Except Narnia seems to be the home of untimely interruptions, so there is inevitably, another interruption. At a very inopportune moment too, because Seishirou has dragged Subaru around the castle-palace until they found a bedroom with an intact ceiling and then proceeded to mostly tear Subaru's clothes off. It is just as Seishirou is pressing another kiss to Subaru's throat that the girl – she can't be older than Subaru – opens the door. She makes a very embarrassed noise and closes the door. Subaru can hear her footsteps as she runs away. Seishirou doesn't even stop what he's doing.

What occurs after that would shock even the most unshockable creatures in Narnia. Subaru was very, very glad that there weren't any giant talking rats around. When it was over, Subaru felt like he had been... ravished by Seishirou. There really wasn't any other way to describe it. Seishirou himself looked remarkably unfazed and was idly stroking Subaru's hair.

"When we go back, Subaru-kun, you're moving out of wherever it is you're staying," he says. Subaru blinks blearily up at him.

"I am?" he asks.

"Yes," Seishirou says savagely, "and then I'm going to tell Fuuma that he can forget about his end of the world plan. Perhaps we can give him a hobby, Subaru-kun. Other than stabbing Kamui of course. You'll make a wonderful mother for both of them."

In the face of this madness, Subaru can only hope that the giant talking rats come back.

* * *

Furthermore, Seishirou regrets nothing.

_Rethira_


End file.
